I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
