After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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