and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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