there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I got inside last night via doggy door
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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