How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
