Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
