no, he came in my armpit
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
