He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
