2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
