I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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