My nipple is on Facebook.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
