pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
