Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
