She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
