You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
