u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
