got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
