I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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