I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
