I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize