Plan B is the new Plan A
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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