He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
