his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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