I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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