for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
