I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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