bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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