I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
