You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
