i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
