What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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