did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
