There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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