Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
