There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
