Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
