I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
