my sisters under your porch take her home
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
