Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can I color on your dick again?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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