god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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