y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
