grandma shit on top of the toilet
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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