So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
