The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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