Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
