I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
