So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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