Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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