it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
