GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
