Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize