having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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