Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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