My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
