I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
