reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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