Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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