if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize