okay pat passed out under dana's car
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
