Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
