I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
