I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
