So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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