It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
