i love accidental penises.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She's the barista slut.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
