i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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