What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
