the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
